5 months Pregnant

Well, I'm five months pregnant now and feeling pretty good for the most part. I'm getting rounder and little man's kicks are getting harder and harder.Rowdy hasn't felt him kicking yet because my placenta is anterior, meaning baby is more in my back and the placenta sac is in front, giving more cushion between the baby and the wall of my stomach. Thus making it difficult for Rowdy to feel him kick yet, but I feel it all the time internally and I've even felt it externally a few times. They say that there is no harm or complications that incur simply from carrying anterior.

 I love Root Beer floats, Mac and Cheese and pickles, along with hummus and pita and clementines. I will say, lower back pain and leg craps when I stretch out in bed have been the latest qualms, and being kicked in the bladder when I have to pee. I painted our bedroom and the nursery last weekend and we move into the house this weekend, it will be nice to have more space and a place we will be in until we make our big move across country in a few years.

I've finally busted out the Bella Band because skirts for church no longer zip up- at all, so in order for my wardrobe to not be limited to three things, it was time to start making use of those amazing belly bands. The past couple of days, our son's kicking has gotten to be a bit more frequent but less on a schedule, it's more periodic from sun up until I fall asleep. Rowdy has also started to contemplate other names (thank goodness!) so I can at least say we have made some progress, although we have no official options to speak of yet.

Little man is now about 11 inches long and weighs about 12oz, as for my weight gain, I haven't stepped on the scale in a couple weeks, but last I checked I had gained 3lbs so far in this pregnancy, and I'm hoping for that number to continue to grow very slowly, just like it has been, but I'm not so sure with the Root Beer floats and Mac and Cheese cravings that that will last very long.

We have gotten a couple things for the baby, some clothes, his crib and a bouncer, but I look forward to my  baby showers in September and late October/early November to help fill his room and get some much needed baby things!

Our Little Man

Well we went in for the gender reveal and doctor appointment and we are happy to announce that Jelly Bean is indeed a BOY! Just as I thought. So that means that Rowdy's parents will have 5 grandsons and my parents will have 4, we are definitely a boy family. It was so fun seeing the pictures and watching him move around. He likes to put his hands in his mouth and suck on his fingers. The ultrasound tech said he's a wiggler! We got some regular photos but we were also lucky enough to get a couple 3D ones.

I'm 20 weeks along and definitely past the "Is she fat or is she pregers" stage, I just look pregnant. My jeans, though I still fit into them, are massively uncomfortable when I sit down or bend over, so I often leave them unbuttoned =) Sweats and stretch pants are my favorite. Our little bug likes to move around a lot when mommy wants to sleep, probably in preparation for when he comes and that's him telling me he will be awake at night and sleep all day. Just the other night Rowdy and I  had JUST turned the lights off and crawled into bed and no more than 3 minutes later, there he is kung fu-ing it up inside his little bubble.

As far as names, it's no secret that we are going to have a hard time deciding what to name him. We have nothing at this point, nada. I have a few names I really like, but convincing the hubby of anything is darn near impossible. I've already made it clear that Chuck isn't even on the list, he just needs to let it go and move on from it. According to BabyCenter and his measurements from the appointment, he's about 10 inches long and weights about 10.5oz. He's growing steadily and so am I. I have finally gained a couple pounds but according to how far along I am and how much the average woman weighs at this stage and pregnancy, I'm behind in the weight gain, but the doctor says as long as I am eating right, it shouldn't matter too much right now. Luckily no stretch marks or anything funky appearing yet, I'm hoping to stay clear of all of that since neither my mom nor grandma got anything either *crossing fingers*.We still love pickles and Trader Joe's Mac and Cheese is always good for a menu option. I also eat a ton of clementines it seems. We have already gotten a couple baby things like bibs, a couple onesies and a hat for our Mossyrock trip next year. I'm excited to move into our new house and get his nursery all ready.

I'm halfway through this pregnancy and I am already looking forward to being done so I can meet him and hold him. I think he will  most likely have blonde hair and blue or green eyes, I just hope he gets my skin tone so he's not a glow stick like Rowdy. I honestly hope he's not too big either because I don't think I can handle a ten pounder falling out, Rowdy and I were both 7lbs 4oz and he was the heaviest of all his siblings, so I'm hoping for a weight similar to that. I cannot WAIT to register and also for my baby showers!!! I have been doing a lot of "pinning" and research on baby products and decoration/nursery ideas. It's a good thing I took summer off from school because everything baby consumes my time.

19 Weeks and Counting

So in almost 48 hours we will be finding out if we are having a boy or a girl, and needless to say I am ECSTATIC! If Rowdy could have it his way, we would be waiting but we are doing it my way and finding out because I do not have the patience to wait 21 more weeks until baby is actually here.

I am 19 weeks today and feeling great, finally. Not that I have much to complain about, it was just the exhaustion, which is finally gone. The heat is getting to be a little difficult, I find myself getting very woosie and overheat quickly. The bump is getting larger and larger, clothes are getting tighter and tighter and it is getting increasingly more difficult to roll over, but I'm okay with all of that. I finally felt the little bugger move at 5:30am Sunday morning for the first time! I had just woken up from a dream, that Rowdy had to deliver our baby because the doctors didn't make it to my room in time. As I was thinking about this dream I felt the baby move around, it was so exciting.

Everyone asks what I think we are having, if I have any special feelings. Honestly, I don't really know. I had a dream before I knew I was pregnant that we had a son, but every dream since I found out I was prego, I've only had girl dreams. So who knows. I think it will be a boy simply because between Rowdy and I, we have 6.5 nephews (one on the way in October) so either we are a boy family or girls don't come until later in the game. If we do have a girl, Rowdy will want to start preparing now ha!

Right now, baby likes pickles, maybe that's mommy I can't tell, but a pickle always sounds really good, and Sushi, but I can't have that so I'm hoping that will be my first meal after baby is born. Rowdy likes to rub my belly a lot, which I really like because to me it's him bonding with our little one. He's great at rubbing my feet (I don't even have to ask, he just does it) and rubbing out my sciatic nerve when it acts up. He helps propel me off the couch when I have to rock myself to get a little momentum going and if I am craving something he usually will go get it or take me to get it. He's still being a stinker about names, but I guess that isn't something to fret about until we actually know the gender, then he's really going to have to crack down and think of more names than the forbidden "Chuck".

I can't wait to set up the nursery and get all our baby things. We move into our new house on Aug. 4th, its a little bitter sweet for me. We are moving out of our ward (for church) and I have never been to any other ward before, Rowdy and I grew up in that ward. But, I am excited that we are still in the Stake (let me explain: our church is divided up into different parts so that everyone is watched over and taken care of. There are several areas in each state called a "stake" led by a Stake President, in each stake there are several wards each led by a Bishop. A ward is a congregation that meets at a certain time, simply so that we don't have too many people coming at the same time and no one feels left out). We are moving into my grandmas old house because she and her boyfriend have bought a condo in downtown L.O. so we will be renting her house. I feel a little like I have come full circle because when I was born, my parents lived there and my old baby room is going to be my baby's baby room.

Rowdy and I had our 1st wedding anniversary yesterday. We celebrated early, on Saturday by going to Almalfi's because we got the twins last night. It's so crazy that it's been a year already adn we are working on year number two while cookin up a baby!

I also start my new job next Monday and I am looking forward to it. The family is extremely nice and it will work better for my family and I as I become a mom. I will miss the twins, I have had them for over two years and watched and taken part in their growth and maturation and it amazing to me how far they have come in those two years. They will always have a place in my heart. Another exciting thing is Rowdy and I leave right after our ultrasound for our annual Mossy Rock boating trip!!! Although I can't really do anything with "da bump", I still love boating, being in the sun, camping and having fun with friends. We had to get me a new life jacket as well as a swimsuit because my old one didn't fit around the ever growing ladies and i wanted a swim suit that I didn't feel like my stomach was bulging out of it.

I'm looking forward to the coming months, I'm pretty much half way there, then there are baby showers, nursery making and nesting to do =)

Random Updates

School is finally near its end for the term, hallelujah!!!! That and work has been consuming the majority of our time, along with trying to figure out where we are going to be living since we are moving out of the house as well as a new job for me-oh and pregnancy. I'm just over 14 weeks, 6 more weeks until the gender ultrasound. Rowdy's sister who is almost exactly 2 months ahead of us just found out she is having baby boy #4, so now I'm really curious what we will be having.

Last weekend Rowdy and I went up to Bremerton to see Molly, Brian, Naomi and new baby Lucas. OMGoodness, he is such a cutie! One of the cutest babies I have EVER seen. Perfect little lips, adorable soft brown hair, tan skin, everything about him is absolutely adorable. As I was holding him, I just looked at Molly and said "I cannot believe I have one of these growing inside of me and that I will be holding my own baby soon." It's truly a miracle. Naomi is such a good older sister, always wanting to help and kiss him, she says "I'm a good big sister". Like always, she was overjoyed to play with Rowdy, crawl all over him like a jungle gym and flirt away. She and I sat down and read some books and she helped me with Lucas while Mommy was getting stuff ready for him or doing the laundry. It was so good to spend some time with my best friend.

I am also currently job hunting. Rowdy and I have been thinking a lot about if I would be able to do overnight with the twins once the baby came and I honestly wasn't sure I could do it. But my mind was made up for me a few days ago, Kaye's sister wants a change in career paths and is going to start nannying the twins starting September if I do not find something before hand. It was a bit of a shock but all things happen for a reason, I just hope someone wants to hire a pregnant person to nanny their children...Any Takers?

Levi also gets home in a couple days and it will be nice to have him state side from now on. Everything is getting exciting with the wedding plans bustling and such, it's so crazy to think he is getting married when I just got married last year! But I think they are good for each other and look forward to spending more time with a new sister in-law.

Now that I'm in my 2nd trimester, the exhaustion is supposed to let up soon, I praise the day I have the energy to stay up past 9pm. I'm excited to feel the baby kick and move around and I'm even more excited to know what we are having. I've had 1 boy dream and 2 girl dreams, I'm not one of those people who just "knows" what she is having. My family thinks it's a girl and Rowdy is hoping and praying for a boy because he doesn't think he can handle any girls, but I know no matter how big he tries to talk, the moment he sees her (if it is a her) he will melt and be glad she wasn't anything else. I will be happy with either gender, I just want a healthy baby, but it would be cool to have the first girl, she would be spoiled rotten. As far as names go, Rowdy's still hell bent on Chuck. He says, Charlie but i'm no dummy, I know he and Lacey will call it Chuck and I-Hate-Chuck. On a more positive note, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting a mini bump. It could be wishful thinking, I don't know. But I'm sure as summer continues on, I will be growing at a more continuous rate.

That's all I got for now, keep your eyes peeled in mid-July for the gender revealing!

Part 1

I'm nearing the end of my first trimester, and I am very excited for my energy levels to come back. Although I love being pregnant, driving, watching TV, being a nanny to twins, school work etc. is difficult when wanting to constantly fall asleep. Just last night I was over at my in-laws, my MIL is obsessed with Dancing with the Stars and had a finale party at her house, I'm sitting in a cozy chair with a blanket, its 8:30 and guess who is nearly falling asleep, yes, me. So I will be very delighted when I can literally run/walk and not be weary =)

Jelly Bean is about the size of a lime right now, and currently craves soup, maybe it's just me craving soup, but whatever the case, we have been eating a lot of soup. In fact, I just made two soups, Tortilla soup and Potato Leek soup to freeze in baggies and enjoy whenever I am hungry, which is pretty much 24/7. Rowdy's also been spoiling me with my other craving of Jamocha Almond Fudge sundae's from Baskin Robins. I haven't gained any weight yet, which I am really glad about considering I have been eating everything in sight and have drastically toned down my workout routine sans no energy. Jelly Bean is very active, although I cannot feel the kicks and the moving around yet, ultrasounds confirm that my baby is very active.

My best friend, Molly just had her 2nd child, a beautiful baby boy named Lucas on Monday. I am so excited for her! As she and her husband were texting me updates because I was unable to attend the birth due to having to take care of the twins, it dawned on me, holy crap I'm going to be doing this in 6 months! I am extremely excited but those scary birth stories always creep into my head. I want to try and birth naturally (but in a hospital in case something goes wrong), but I do not have the utmost high pain tolerance, I have some, but it isn't bullet proof, so we will see if "all naturale" actually happens.

It's been so... not sure the word for it, crazy doesn't seem to quite cover all the emotions, but whatever the word, its been very (that word) thinking about and planning out the rest of the year and the next year of our lives. Thinking about school, whether or not I'm going to continue to nanny, etc. Where we want to live, raise our kids, cars, there is just so much to think about. It's all very exciting, but overwhelming at times. Oddly enough, I would think Rowdy would be the one stressing the most about it, since money is more of his thing than it is mine, but I have been the one most concerned about it and how our lives will be once Jelly Bean arrives. I have always wanted to be a mom, and I cannot wait to hold my baby and raise my family, its just hitting me that it's happening NOW, not next year, few years, five years, whatever we talked about that day, it's literally now.

I'm excited for my belly to grow and to feel my baby move around in me. To see Rowdy's face when he feels Jelly Bean kick for the first time, or when Jelly Bean has the hiccups, because lets face it, I have the hiccups everyday, my baby is bound to have them at some point. I look forward to pregnancy pictures pre and post pregnancy and baby showers. I can't wait to set up the nursery, paint is and decorate it. It's all very happy and exciting times.

At some point when I actually look like I have a little bowling ball growing, and it's not just bloating and feeling fat, I'll post some pictures, but don't count on that happening for probably a couple more months I would imagine. Doctor says I'm thin and fit (I most definitely do not feel this way) so it will take me a while to really show. But we shall see!

Jelly Bean

So, I’ve been thinking, everything happens in 9’s for us. We dated for 9 months before we were engaged. Then we were engaged for 9 months, we were married on the 9th then after we had been married for 9 months we found out we have a little one on the way, which means I am pregnant for 9 months! And we couldn’t be more delighted =) Let me start off by saying that we call this our little miracle, because Jelly Bean was not planned. I have been on strong B.C. for several months due to some health issues, so in no way was this a “planned” thing. Any-who, I had been feeling a little weird and I was a few days late if you catch my drift… so on April fool’s day I took a cheap dollar tree test, negative. Okay, whatever, wasn’t really expecting it to say positive, after all, there was next to no chance of that happening anyway. Oddly, later that day Rowdy leaned over as we were watching Conference for our church and said he wanted to start trying. I stopped and looked at him, “Seriously? You know that it’s not like buying a blender, once we have a child, we have one forever”.

*As a side note, anyone who knows me, knows I’ve wanted to be a mom since forever, but Rowdy was more than happy with waiting a few years and showed little to no signs of wanting children anytime soon.

Anyways, he said he was well aware and that he had had a feeling that we should start to try. So off the pill I went! And gladly might I add. So a few more days go by and I’m still feeling weird, exhausted beyond belief, cramping, difficulty with abdominal control etc. I told Rowdy that if I wasn’t pregnant something was wrong and I needed to see a doctor. So on Wednesday April 4^th I took one more test, different brand just to double check. A few minutes go by and there is a dark line and another faint line next to it, “No way, can’t be” I thought to myself. I came back a few minutes later and the faint line was a lot darker. But, I refused to get excited until I took another test to make sure. So I went to school and took another one and within seconds there was no doubt about it, I was indeed pregnant! I suddenly started to cry I was so happy and excited but so baffled.

I finished my class and ran to Cinnabon and got a cinnamon roll. On the box I wrote, “We have a bun in the oven” and put it on his seat in his car. He met me outside and opened my door for me to get in so we could go to lunch. He opens his door and sees the box, he looks at it and reads it and then looks up at me, “Are we really?” he asks excited, “yep, we are!” We were both in such shock that we weren’t sure what to say for a while.

A few days later Nicole, one of our wedding photographers took some announcement pictures for us. We made Beaver Jersey’s with “Mommy” and “Daddy” written on the backs and shoved a football inside a onesie that said “player to be named” on it. We told both sets of parents that night and boy were they surprised! We first told Rowdy’s parents, and Then we went and told my parents, once again, pure shock. We were lucky enough to record everyone’s reactions to keep as a memory.

We decided to try and keep the baby news under wraps until we went and saw the doctor and made sure everything was as it should be. This wasn’t very hard for Rowdy, but for me, it was next to impossible! First time mommy, I wanted to shout it to the world. May 3^rd finally came and we met with our doctor, Dr. Hoffman. Wow, I love him. He is so kind, explains everything clearly, makes sure anything we are concerned with, he answers fully and he includes Rowdy in everything that is going on. My sister-in-law, Danielle had him when she had Bret and she recommended him a while back when I was having other health issues. After the question and answer phase, he did an exam and then got out the Doppler. He told us that we wouldn’t be able to hear the heartbeat yet because I was only nine weeks along but that he wanted to make sure everything sounded good. Also, there was a possibility I was farther along than we thought, so he also wanted to check for the heartbeat to possibly assist in differentiating that.

As he squirted the cold goo on my stomach and started to move it around, we could hear my heartbeat. Then about thirty seconds into it, there was this strong, quick beat, my baby’s heartbeat!!!!! 180 bpm, right where it should be. “You hear that Rowdy” he asked. Rowdy was recording the entire thing. In the video you can tell when I notice the heart beat because I get this look of shock on my face and then I start to cry. I’ve been a tad bit emotional lately. It was so cool to hear my baby, alive and well inside of me. Dr. Hoffman was surprised and decide to schedule an ultrasound for the following Tuesday to determine exactly how far along I really was. Originally, I was due December 4^th, but he said that it's rare to hear the heartbeat this early by simply using a Doppler, that only an internal ultrasound could get this result. He thought I may be closer to 11 or 12 weeks. My hopes soared, skipping over two weeks of pregnancy would be so nice, I’d be nearly out of my 1^st trimester already! So today we went in for the ultrasound, she told us that I am 10 weeks along, just as we had thought. We got lucky last week in hearing the heartbeat. It was so amazing seeing my baby move around inside me, wiggling its feet and arms. It was all reassuring that my baby was growing and healthy. They even gave us pictures to take home!

I have to say, pregnancy has treated me fairly well. I was nauseous and throwing up for two days a few weeks ago, but I think it was the flu that I had because the twins had it just the week before for several days. Aside from the aforementioned symptoms I had in the beginning, those haven’t changed much, sleeping is starting to get a little interesting and so is eating. I have food aversions to Café Yumm and black olives. Just the thought of them is horrifying, but I’m becoming a very impulsive eater. For one thing, I have no middle ground with food, I’m either STARVING and on the brink of nausea because I’m so hungry or I’m stuffed beyond belief. Very few things sound good, I’m very “in the moment” when it comes to my eating. If a hamburger sounds good, I need to eat it right then or it won’t sound good ever again and I’ll be so past starving that I will want to simply vomit. It’s lovely.

Cramping and feeling fat as a cow is my daily normal. No one ever told me that you still feel like you are going to start your “monthly” every single day the first little while of your pregnancy and that after that, your abs feel like they are ripping apart all the time because there is a cute little Jelly Bean doubling in size every week. So I am telling you so that you are prepared. But honestly, I wouldn’t trade it. Becoming a mom became very real to me when I heard the heartbeat; it was actually proof that there was something that was causing all these lovely feelings inside of me and not just my imagination.

Rowdy’s been very excited about the baby. Almost daily I hear “Guess what, we are having a baby!” We have had some disagreements though; we don’t like to call the baby the same thing. He and Lacey insist on calling my little one, “Baby Chuck”. Ew. And they both hate Jelly Bean.  Let me warn you, if you call my baby “Chuck”, I will glare at you persistently and if there is something that won’t break, I’ll probably throw it at you, I despise the name Chuck for my child. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine for other people, I had an Uncle Chuck that I loved dearly, but I am not going to call my baby, Chuck ever. Nor do I want anyone else calling my baby, Chuck. Rowdy also doesn’t want to know the sex of the baby, but I do. So I told him he shouldn’t come to the 20 week ultrasound then because I will be finding out, which also sort of puts a kink in his plan of not talking names until we know the sex of the baby because his theory is that it eliminates half the battle…. So he has to pick a side of the fence to be on with that because we are not going to wait until the day the baby comes to talk names. But we have chatted candidly about some names that we like and let’s just say, if we have a boy, his name is going to take a lot longer to decide than if we have a girl. We agree on girl names. I’m anxious to find out what we are having. I think it will be a boy because I had a dream it was a boy, but others think I’ll have a girl because everyone is having boys right now. I will be fine with either one, as long as my baby is healthy. The only reason Id want a girl a smidge more is because my parents and Rowdy’s parents only have grandsons, no granddaughters yet and I’d love to have the first girl. And it would guarantee I get at least one girl, even if I have a million boys after that.

I honestly feel that God prepared Rowdy and I for this surprise. The entire month before I knew I was pregnant I cried myself to sleep every night, wanting to be a mom. I didn’t know why this desire was so strong at that time. It was odd. Rowdy knew I wanted to have kids, and I would have been perfectly happy having one the day after we were married, but that entire month, that desire was stronger than anything I had ever felt. Rowdy felt helpless, didn’t really know how to make me feel better, so he just held me as a sobbed. I didn’t want him to simply “give in” either just because I wanted it. I wanted children to be something we both desired together, at the same time. I truly believe that Heavenly Father prompted Rowdy to be ready to have children just days before finding out we were pregnant with Jelly Bean. It was no coincidence. Rowdy felt that we were supposed to start trying for a baby for a reason, because Heavenly Father was going to bless us with a little one, ready or not.

Coakley Update

So, I realized I haven't blogged about ANYTHING in a long time. Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went. We were lucky to spend them both with our families here in Oregon. January, February, March and now April, we have been busy with our ordinary, young married lives going to school full-time and working full-time for the both of us. The not-so-ordinary part though has been something I have been blessed to experience over the past couple of months.

It started late November when my dear friend, Tiffany lost her husband suddenly. 7 1/2 months pregnant and with a16 month old, Tiffany was suddenly a single mom. We had the opportunity to go down to California and see her and attend the memorial. What a spiritual experience that was for us. It made Rowdy and I really stop and think about our marriage, how we treat each other, talk to each other and respond to frustration. It also gave us the opportunity to serve and love those that we serve. Tiffany recently moved up to Oregon and since she has been here, I have learned even more from that amazing woman. Reese is now 21 months old and baby Jac (Jaclyn) will be three months tomorrow, and I have loved playing with Reese and holding baby Jac. It amazes me how Heavenly Father always knows exactly what we need in or lives. Tiff and I spend a lot of time together whenever possible, we workout, talk, go to lunch and do other things that strike our fancy. She has seriously taught me SO much! Since I have been hanging out with Tiff, my marriage has gotten so much stronger, as has my testimony, my gratitude and my love for my God, my Savior, my family and my friends.

There are honestly not enough pages for me to write down all the experiences and feelings I have had over the past couple of months, and I don't think a blog is the best place to write those sacred things in anyways, but I can honestly say, I am so happy, and so grateful for this life that I have been given. I am truly blessed.

Last night, we had one of my best friends, who is also very pregnant (5 weeks until due date!), Molly and her husband Brian and their daughter Naomi over. We had so much fun playing games and eating. Naomi crawled right up on her uncle Rowdy's lap and sat and played with her toys, kissing and hugging him. It was so cute to see them interacting, how much she loved Rowdy and how amazing he is with her. She has always loved Rowdy since she was a baby, she has never had any qualms about him holding her carrying her or wanting to sit on his lap when we go out to eat at Olive Garden. It makes me excited for when we have little ones. He is so good with kids, and kids love him. When we were dating, I loved how he played and loved his nephews. Although there have been times I have wondered how two totally different people in many ways were meant to be, I never once doubted that I married a man that would love his kids. He will teach them so many things, play with them and rock them to sleep. At times when I have been busy in the hustle and bustle of getting the twins out the door for school, swimming, soccer, dance, Dougy Center, Dr. appointments and the many other numerous things they are involved in, Rowdy still takes the time to teach Johnny how to tie his shoes in a way that he can understand and remember it.

As I reflect over the past few years of my life, it has been one crazy ride, yet I have become someone polar opposite from the lost person I used to be. I know who I am, what I want for  my life, my marriage  and my future family and I will protect that at all costs. I have realized how important family is, and how blessed I am because of the infinite love my Heavenly Father has for me as his daughter. I know what kind of wife and mother I want to be, and I strive for that daily. My testimony is stronger than ever, and I know that as long as I keep doing the things I know I should be doing, I will be blessed for that and I will grow stronger and stronger.

GrAttitude

So I realize that it's been months since I've written anything, oops! Honestly, nothing too exciting is happening in the Cookley household. We are both working and going to school full-time like most normal young married couples. As of late I've been practicing my baking and cooking skills, trying recipes in the crockpot and baking bread, and so far the reviews have been great aside from one meal that even I didn't like. It's crazy to think Rowdy and I have been married for about four months now, it seems like we have been married so much longer because since we started dating, we haven't spent much time apart. Considering I knew I was marrying him before we even began dating, with that mindset I guess that would be one of the reasons it feels like we have been married for nearly two years. Marriage has been.... a learning experience ha. The Bishop in my ward always says that the Lord puts us in families to learn patience among many other things, it's God's version of a classroom. I find this analogy accurate, it is teaching Rowdy and I lots of new skills. We aren't perfect and there are days that are difficult and taxing, but they are for our own growth and benefit, whether we choose to see those at the time or not, which leads me into the purpose of this post, GrAttitude.

Yesterday at church in Relief Society we had a lesson on "gratitude" but they extended it to "GrAttitude". We talked about how gratitude is an attitude, one that you have to choose to posses even in times of trial and defeat. I truly felt that this lesson was meant for me because how often is it that when we(me) are having a bad day or are frustrated and continue to mope and find more things to gripe about. Rather, we(me) can choose to accept that yes, something(s) went wrong but there are so many other things that have gone and are continuing to go right but we(me) choose to focus solely on the negative. Often, negativity is self perpetuating and rarely provides an answer or solution to the issue at hand. There may not always be an immediate answer or solution but there is never a shortage of things to be grateful for, it could ALWAYS be worse.

Something that struck me as so profound was that it's not our job to RECEIVE blessings, it's our job to CHERISH them. One of the things they suggested someone could do to remind themselves of all the things they are blessed with is to keep a gratitude journal. To some, this may sound cheesy but not to me!!!! I'm a writer, I love it, and it's often a way for me to vent rather than write down all my happy thoughts. So, I've decided i'm going to keep a gratitude journal so that when I'm having a bad day I can look back at all the Lord has blessed me with and write down something new that I am grateful for even in my time of struggle and frustration. It's just as the hymn says, "Count your many blessings name them one by one."

         "Mercies and blessings come in different forms—sometimes as hard things. Yet the Lord said, "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things." All things means just that: good things, difficult things—not just some things. He has commanded us to be grateful because He knows being grateful will make us happy. This is another evidence of His love."


President Thomas S. Monson said, "We can lift ourselves and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues."

This lesson has changed my thinking in a lot of ways. I've decided to try and serve others more, take someone a loaf of bread when they are sad or sick, watch a mothers children so that she and her husband can have some time together or go to the temple. Service is the pure love of Christ, that is a feeling that I wish to feel as often as possible and share with others. Applying that same service and attitude in my own home when Rowdy and I are both having a bad day or maybe aren't getting along as well as we would like, can help soften my own heart and hopefully in turn, show him how much I do love him, even during the squabbles. I can't choose for him to feel this way, or adopt this attitude, but I can choose this for myself and bring the Spirit into our home.

Married Life

                                                   Bird on a Wire Photography

Well its been about two and a half weeks since Rowdy and I tied the knot. Don't worry, professional pictures will be posted once we get to see them ourselves! But here's a sneak peak at what's to come =D

The day was beautiful, seriously, could not have asked for any better. No rain and it wasn't scorching hot either. We had a few hiccups, but of course what wedding day goes by with no memorable bump? Anywho, lot's of people came to share the day with us, the cake was wonderful, so was the food (Kuddos to my mother who catered it, expecting 460 people!) our bridal party looked smashing and the little ones were absolutely DARLING and performed better than I ever expected from 5 little ones, ranging in ages of 2-6, wow. So many people worked extremely hard to make this day run smoothly. My bridesmaids saved the day, bringing my Bolero that I forgot at home, to the temple JUST in time. The Lloyd's worked magic with the sound system and communicating with the Morin's and keeping my sanity on days leading up to the wedding that I thought I would lose it completely. The Morin's for letting us use their beautiful home and property and all the hard work they and their family put into it. Our families (not enough words to describe our gratitude), my aunt Dianne and everyone who helped her with the flowers, gorgeous!!! My bridesmaids were SO helpful, the sacrifices people made to come and to make the day happen, like my parents and the financial support for the wedding as well as emotional, Levi for flying in from Oki, Japan to see me get married, Rowdy's sister Danielle and her family from S.C., Nick coming from AZ and everyone else who took the time and money to come make this day so incredibly special for Rowdy and I.

After our wedding brunch the following day, we went on a little pre-honeymoon honeymoon to Whidby Island (thanks to Reed and LaFawn Smith) and it was great, very relaxing and beautiful scenery, I want to go back! Then we spent a couple nights at Mossyrock with the boating crew and by Saturday, we were ready to head to our own home and sleep in our own bed.

Married life doesn't seem to be too different than the dating life Rowdy and I had, we just have a few extra bonuses (and I'm still trying to figure out how to sign "coakley" instead of Jasperson in a way that I like the look of it). But prior to marriage, we had a joint account and a credit card and spent every waking moment together aside from work and sleeping, so to be honest, we knew what we were getting into for the most part. I will say, it is a bit more challenging living with someone simply because there is no escape like "im going to my house" or anything of the sort, "me time" doesn't really exist anymore either, but luckily, we enjoy each others company most of the time. Marriage has challenges, i'm sure that is no surprise to anyone who's been married for any length of time, and for someone as independent as myself, there are moments where it is extra challenging. In marriage, you are not allowed to be selfish or make decisions regarding money etc. on your own, but rather, you have to consult about every "want" vs. "need" or "large" purchase, or if you are going to raid  your moms pantry for food or grow up and buy your own (yes, this is a debate in our household but I will keep the participants roles anonymous, for their reputations sake :) or who takes the covers in the middle of the night and how clothes are folded or how we grocery shop and who has what shelves and hanging space in the walk-in closet. Oh the little joys and qualms of MARRIAGE.

However great or upsetting the day may be, I will love my husband forever. And I know that no matter how crazy I may drive him, my husband will love his wife, forever.

Down to the Wire

So this will probably be my last update before the big day, which, by the way, is in just 6 days! Things are probably as crazy as they can get. Tomorrow we start moving all of our stuff into our new house, and I am so excited. I painted a wall in our room red yesterday. Levi is home now! He came in Thursday morning and I got to go pick him up, it has been nice to have my twin home. The past couple weeks and the two weeks to follow will probably be the busiest I'll ever be in my entire life. We have family coming in this week, we are decorating the reception site, I have nail, massage, hair, makeup and a bunch of other appointments, we have our wedding dinner, moving, last minute wedding stuff, wedding brunch, Mossyrock, Wigby Island, Wild Waves, packing and unpacking, seeing and visiting people, fittings all mixed in with the rest of the craziness. My poor mother, she wants to cater my wedding so she will be cooking like a mad woman starting Thursday, so no one be surprised if she goes missing for a few days. Everyone keeps asking if I'm ready and excited. I am, I'm SO ready for all the stress to be over and I can enjoy the day I've worked so hard at planning along with a few other amazing people that have helped make my life a little less chaotic. I'm ready to just wake up and realize "Today, I am getting married!" and go to the temple and be sealed to Rowdy and then get into my pretty dress and see everyone and dance and have a fabulous evening. I am also excited because Rowdy says he has a surprise for me but I won't get it until our wedding day, so I am curious as to what it will be =)